Tonight I was speaking to my class about the family life cycle as it relates to people with disabilities and their families. The research literature at times mentions "chronic sorrow" in regard to the life cycle in that at every stage of life, people with disabilities and their families are often confronted with the impact of disability on their lives. Some of those impacts are directly due to the impairment the person has, however, often the negative experiences are due to the social consequences of having a disability. That is the way the individual or family experiences life with disability being a part of that life.
Before getting into this discussion, I asked students to report on an assignment they needed to complete. The assignment was to interview the pastor of their church, or at least someone in leadership about the priority the church places on people with disabilities. A common reply was that there was a handful of people who were attending the church, but that was all. Of course they would be willing to serve others if they came but that was all they had.
As I thought of the woundedness related to the social consequences of disability particularly related to Wolfensberger's 18 wounds, I was reminded of the story of the Good Samaritan. I won't retell the story, but the approach of the churches interviewed and reported on made me think of how churches today might retell that story. I suspect that first of all, the Samaritan wouldn't have seen the wounded man in the first place, or at least claim to not have seen him or known about him. But using the rationale of the church leaders interviewed, once he saw the wounded man, their response would have been, "You know, there is a hotel up the road. And if you get yourself there, I would be willing to help you out, to patch you wounds and all. Just get yourself to the hotel. Ok then, see you later."
Actually, more likely they would ignore the wounded man and blame him for not coming to the church where they would help him if he were to come there.
So we figuratively have wounded, bleeding people lying in desperate pain, in desperate need, and we glibly say that if they came to the hotel (church) we would patch their wounds. These are truly, desperately wounded people who have probably showed up at a church in the past and have been turned away. Yet our response is to tell them to suck it up and ask for help. They won't do it!! They haven't the ability to do it!!
It is not just people with intellectual disabilities who haven't the ability to get to church often simply because they haven't a driver's license (do you really think that churches don't know that people with intellectual disabilities haven't the abiltiy to drive?) so couldn't get there if they wanted to. It is truly that these people are hurting and are either fearful of further hurting/attacks, are feeling that they are unwanted because no one is coming after them, or simply haven't the strength to come. Do people always have to ask/beg me to do something for me to do it or at least volunteer to do something for them? Or might I recognize that my resources (time, money, home, etc.) are not just for me and might be shared with someone else and volunteer, or even insist that the hurting person take them or use them.
So the dying wounded man lies by the side of the road and the Christian Samaritans sit in the church saying we would serve him if he came. I mean c'mon we have handicapped parking spaces and accessible restrooms.
McNair
Thank you for this post. Once again you strip of the layers and get to the heart of the matter. I appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteThis post is very thought-provoking - people often relate the story of the Good Samaritan to acts of kindness, but they nearly always overlook people with disabilities and the direct ties exhibited to those people that are within the Samaritan parable.
ReplyDeleteWe as Christians are called to be as Christ was and can we even imagine Christ as having sat up in the synagogue willing to share His life-altering message with only those who were able to come? Christ's ministry stretched far and wide - how much more so we should do this as His followers.
Though I can see how churches could easily justify their ministries for the disabled as "if they come, we will act," I agree that this directly contradicts Christ's earthly example. The vital mentality the modern churches are missing is urgency. If churches truly felt a sense of urgency they would not be content to sit back behind the pulpit and wait for people to come. The church will often preach about the importance of outreach - the Great Commission - and how difficult it is to reach people and to get them to listen. Through their wounded spirits, people with disabilities are often very receptive to hearing and receiving hope in Christ. Also, the families of those people would be able to see true Christian love if the church were to reach out to their beloved, wounded family members. I agree that the churches are largely overlooking an extremely important aspect of their outreach with their "sit back and wait" mentality.
I can definitely relate to the “chronic sorrow” that you speak of. As a member of a family with a disable child, chronic sorrow becomes an everyday part of life. You learn to live with it and the hardest part is that every time you experience it, it catches you off guard like you never expected it. You can prepare yourself all that you want for the moment, but despite the preparation, you are never ready for those moments. Thinking about your epiphany about the Good Samaratin and the church is also a challenging thought. Our family has always been plugged in to our church, but it really makes me thing what would happen to my sister if we were not members of a body. She would have never been able to get to church. I can honestly say that I see the Holy Spirit inside of her every day and it is one of the greatest testaments to how God works, but what would that look like if she never had the opportunity to learn about God, or grew up in a home where religion was irrelevant? For some of those people who represent the man lying on the side of the road, getting to the church/hotel wouldn’t even be where they would see God. I would bet that the greatest testament to God’s love is not in the church, but in the willingness of His people to care for the wounded.
ReplyDeleteIt is true now that I think about it that the best way for a congregation to help persons with disabilities who want apply their faith is to invite them. This is the best message taken from the article “The Good Samaritan”. In fact your words in class said it all, “if you invite them, they will come!” Churches coordinate all sorts of functions and activities in which members volunteer to take part in the community. Why then can’t someone from each church coordinate a program or function that reaches out to persons with disabilities? The whole focus should be finding ways to find those with disabilities and letting them know that they are welcome. All sorts of activities can be done to make them feel comfortable in the church environment. BBQ’s and a park get together can be planned after church. Bible study classes geared especially for the physically or mentally disabled can be formed. If everyone contributes, it can happen. The best way I think that we can help, is to get to know a person with a disability. Learning about the person and their family or sometimes just lending an ear, is all it takes to brighten someone’s world.
ReplyDeleteVery thought provoking post. How often do we/people willingly want to help others, but only when they come to us.
ReplyDeleteLast week I called a church to see if they havea disabilities ministry. They said do not a ministry but hey do a class on Sunday for preschool through college age persons with disabilities. Children can attend the regular Sunday school class unless their disability prohibits them from doing so. "Unless" and "prohibits"!! Who is prohibiting who? The church is disabling/prohibiting the child from attending the class.
Working with children with special needs, I have learned I do not just have a child with special needs but I have a family with special needs and they all need support. I have been with 2 families for about 5 years now and I watch them go through what I call processes. I have had two families who ahve needed support as their children get older. They see the gap between their disabled child and peers widening. They grieve. And they need support. Where is the church in supporting them? Then they find a place for thier child, whether it be a church, a school, a playgroup and they feel loved and accepted. Then a wound is inflicted upon them and they start the search all over again. Where is the church in supporting the families? Not only do they have a child with special needs but they go through rejection over and over again. Families are seeking and searching to find a place to feel loved. The families are seeking, but is the church seeking to help? Back to your post, no we are not we are waiting for them to come to the church.
Great post!
About a year and a half ago, my nephew fell very ill, thirsty, lethargic, had flu like symptoms. On the third day my sister found it serious enough to go an urgent care. Having not figured out what was wrong, they kept him for observation for a time. Later in the evening, as they were going to head home - without answers – a nurse asked if anyone checked his blood sugar level. They found it was over 600! My nephews’ life changed forever at that instant as he was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.
ReplyDeleteEarly on, my sister shared with her church and had a lot of support. They even supported her by having a person available to come and clean her house for her for a month or so as she transitioned to a new life of constant finger pricks, continual shots, and many long or nearly-sleepless nights. The church has been okay, but what support does she get ongoing? This is a chronic condition; it doesn’t last for a month and go away. She is struggling now in similar ways, although she can cope somewhat better, it remains very tough for her. She and my brother in law have spent endless Sundays volunteering in my nephew’s class only because they feel they cannot leave him.
Understanding this may not be as serious a disability as some, it still relates to the fact that the church needs to be sensitive to the ongoing support of those with chronic illness and disabilities. As well, churches need to be supporting parents with knowledge, compassion, and outreach for the care of their children, so that the parents can attend church themselves on a consistent basis.
This is a very thought-provoking post and we, who can, do need to reach out and do what we can. What can I do to help my sister through the chronic sorrow she will feel throughout the ongoing care of my precious nephew?
In a world where people are hurting, we as Christians are called to reach out and show them hope that can only be found in Christ. However, it’s completely selfish to assume that hurting people will voluntarily come to church. Even more so, it is rude to assume that persons with disabilities, who may not have the means of getting to a church, will come to church on their own accord. It is easy to say that we will take the time to serve someone if they come to our comfort zone. However, it is a completely different scenario when we need to step out of our comfort zones, daily lifestyles, and selfish agendas to take the time to reach out to someone in need. People who are hurting rarely have the incentive to ask for help and wind up suffering alone. As Christians, we need to recognize that we are called to reach out to hurting people, including persons with disabilities and their families, and bring them into fellowship, bearing one another’s burdens, and providing a place of love and comfort. It is not enough to say that the church building is prepared to enfold persons with disabilities into the congregation because they have handicapped parking spaces and restrooms. The Church must be spiritually prepared to embrace persons with disabilities into the body of Christ. We need to be active and assertive in our attempts to serve people, which means going out of our comfort zones to reach out to people in their place of need.
ReplyDeleteI have come to realize that many of those who try to be a “Good Samaritan” take it as they are trying to achieve a quota of some sort, much like getting points in a class. Instead of thinking this way, just help the person in need without expecting a reward in return. Much like in this situation the “Good Samaritan” felt like he achieved a good deed or gained some kind of credit with God. Why help this person half heartedly? If you are going to attempt to help someone, go the full distance. Asking the person in dire need to pick themselves up and go seed help is just as good as ignoring them. In fact it is worse. The reward of helping anyone in need is more gratifying than most deeds in this world, in my opinion. Help this person, make him or her feel special, be an impact in someone’s life, and don’t expect anything in return. This story has really helped me get a grasp on what it means to aid someone, a deed that people often overlook. I would like to ask everyone including myself, if you were in this situation, what would you do?
ReplyDeleteI heard this epiphany in class last week and have spent considerable time thinking about it since. My church identifies as one of those churches that “would help them if they came.” Ashamed, I must admit that I never really saw a problem with this. Obviously, this testifies to my great ignorance about a population of people with disabilities and their families. I have learned so much in class about the terrible wounds that are placed on this population and, sadly, my place in those wounds. So many of the pains that they deal with each day are not from the disability itself, but rather, from social restrictions and alienation. My perspective is changing daily about my role in all of this. If I change the situation around and (to the best of my abilities) put myself in their shoes, it is humbling to think of what would happen. Would I still be going to church and actively serving my Lord if I felt completely rejected by those that make up His church? Would I go through all the hard work to get someone to drive me to church if I knew the end result was more sorrow? It is not hard for me to realize that I would not be in church. How beautiful would it be, though, if the Church (namely you and ME) were the ones to break the cycle of “chronic sorrow”? Then Christ’s name would be glorified in those who are openly willing to love Him… if only they had the knowledge or the means. It is convicting for me to process these things because they require action. I can only pray that I do not get so self consumed, that I neglect the calling to serve this population.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this post. It is a sad but true depiction of what the church is like today. Through your class I have some to realize how important bring disabled people into the church is. I always knew that I wanted to work with disabled people in a school setting, but I never fully understood how that could be an act of service in the church as well. This post and other information from your class has truly made me revaluate my mindset when it comes to disabled people. They have every right to be exposed to the same opportunities in a church setting as anyone else. It is our God called duty to go ad gather these people and make sure that they are in the church so that they can hear the good news of Jesus just the same as any other person. Once again I say thank you for your thoughts and all that you have taught us in your class. It has challenged me and it has caused God to pull at my heart so much so that I think I might help start a disabilities ministry at my church. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteI think the story of the Good Samaritan is a perfect example of how churches get it wrong with people who have disabilities. I also think that the church has simply grown complacent when it comes to people with disabilities in general. Too bad I am just now facing this fact now at 20 years old, it was honestly something I never really thought about in my ignorance and something that has never been mentioned at church growing up. I have found that my church and others commonly say, “we would care for them if they came”, but as we have learned, this is not an acceptable response since a person with a disability needs one of US to get them there in the first place. And I think what is interesting about this notion is that even though we think by saying things like that we are following in Jesus’ example, but it is very clear that when Christ walked this earth he didn’t wait for the lame or the blind to come to Him, He went to them and He also defended them when others would only mock and look on them scornfully. I think this is something we so easily overlook and I plan on making some changes in my own life that would truly follow Christ’s example.
ReplyDeleteI think that it is important for people to realize that we are all made by the same creator. If God was on the side of the road everyone would be rushing up to hime to help along with another chritian, However God is a part of his creation and the people who go past the wounded are really going past God. Many peoeple need to opean up their eyes and see that there is no differet. When readin the Goos Samaritan it realy makse a person think, it should make a person think, about what they are making the center of their life revolve around. I remember a time where Laura wanted to come to our churhc. She wanted to come but she had no way of getting there. For a wile people strated to pick her up but gradually off and on came around and then she did not come all together. I am greateful that she was able to find a church closer to her home, but what if that did not happen what if the followers of god just let her fall. That would not be very christian like and they would need to rethink their priorites. Going into a teaching Job i hope to help people realize that we are all the same, children of God. If one of our brothern need help it is important that we do what we can and not what we want.
ReplyDeleteThe overlying message of the “Good Samaritan” is that it is wrong to ignore the suffering of others. To see a person in need and to pass them by is a sin. The Church should place a high priority on reaching people with disabilities. Our purpose as a church is to be changed by God to reach ALL people. I truly believe that this means ALL, including those with special needs. It is important for churches to have the personal philosophy that we will not turn away any person regardless of their need(s). Churches need to embrace all people regardless of abilities and encourage the gifts so that they can serve God fully in their churches. It is also the church’s purpose to end the isolation and disconnectedness of persons with disabilities and their families. They can do this my nurturing the spiritual lives of people with disabilities so that they become active members of the church.
ReplyDelete"Actually, more likely they would ignore the wounded man and blame him for not coming to the church where they would help him if he were to come there." WOW! That's an in your face comment. Unfortunately it is probably also true.
ReplyDeleteThe “Good Samaritan” is but a distant ideal of principle and compassion. As a church and as Christians we have failed to attend the most simple and crucial idea of Christianity, service to those in need; we have given into comfortable pews and warm buildings in exchange for sacrifice and a helping hand. We have lost our eagerness to search for people in need; we would rather walk around a homeless person or ignore a person with a disability than to help him/her. We would rather go home after church and feast than go looking for people to save or give rides for people who cannot drive. We would rather hear the sermon in peace with no distraction rather than bring people that might make you uncomfortable. I fear that many churches today are like the Church of Ephesus and the Church of Laodicea, as a whole we have lost our first love and we have become lukewarm Christians. A heavy accusation, were I happen to be guilty myself, the burden to help those in need has long been gone by many of our hearts. It deeply saddens me to write this about our churches and our people today. The injured person in the Good Samaritan nowadays would lay on the ground for days and many Christians would drive with their neatly pressed clothes and their bibles and sing to the Lord and forget the simple principle of invitation and help. We must change now before the church of this time is referred to as the church that would not help those in need.
ReplyDeleteThis really makes me think about how many times in my life I have been willing to help others but how rarely I actually go out of my way to help them. I always pray for opportunities to be Christ to others but this gets me thinking that the opportunities are already there but that I am not doing enough to pursue them myself.
ReplyDeleteThis is a convicting scenario to contemplate. It is one that requires only common sense to find a solution to, yet somehow the problem still exists. We are such a selfish culture, and it is a shame that even the church body as a whole carries this nature with us. I’m sure there are some churches who are doing incredible things for the special needs population, integrating them and accepting them as just another ‘part’ of the body of Christ, unique and able to bring a different quality or service to the picture. I was very disheartened when speaking with my one of my pastors about catering to the special needs community in our area. His only response was that we were meeting all of the city codes and requirements on our building. After being further prompted he went on to say that they don’t have the time or resources currently at the church to meet the needs of the special needs community. To me saying that is like saying that they don’t have the time or resources to meet people who have poor vision. People are people and the church needs to accommodate the needs of every person. Period.
ReplyDeleteThis is a convicting scenario to contemplate. It is one that requires only common sense to find a solution to, yet somehow the problem still exists. We are such a selfish culture, and it is a shame that even the church body as a whole carries this nature with us. I’m sure there are some churches who are doing incredible things for the special needs population, integrating them and accepting them as just another ‘part’ of the body of Christ, unique and able to bring a different quality or service to the picture. I was very disheartened when speaking with my one of my pastors about catering to the special needs community in our area. His only response was that we were meeting all of the city codes and requirements on our building. After being further prompted he went on to say that they don’t have the time or resources currently at the church to meet the needs of the special needs community. To me saying that is like saying that they don’t have the time or resources to meet people who have poor vision. People are people and the church needs to accommodate the needs of every person. Period.
ReplyDeleteOnce again I'm loving your blog! As a disabled single women I'm constantly feeling exclude from church with no contact or support despite being very ill. I often hear stories about what everyone is up to, supporting each other and this and that does make you want to scream; rather than serving each other who have the ability, means and constant support they could try elsewhere.... and to those who say they dont have time I say well how about instead of going to church three times a week you give up one church meeting a year to do some visiting!!
ReplyDeleteLike you say so well, there are so many who need healing but dont have strength or means to over come the huge barries to get there.
The first church I ever attended consistently as a child was Crossroads Christian Church in Corona, Ca, and I must say, they did a phenomenal job with disabilities ministry. Our family had access to Joni & Friends Family Retreat, regular church pick-ups on Sunday mornings, and just truly phenomenal accommodation all around. But after my disabled family member passed on, my family stopped going to church, engrossed with sports, work, and academia instead of seeking the Lord. Well I am "almost" grown now, and am back in a wonderful church that I am proud to call home. But in evaluating my church, we are exactly like those described in this blog. How could I have missed that? True, I was only a child when I participated in disability ministry, but instead of overlooking the need now, I definitely feel a call to change. In recently speaking with my pastors, their responses to "why so few disabled people?" are almost identical to those in this post. Most prevalently however, I don't believe my church leadership realized such an error was being committed. In discussing ministry to people with disabilities, they were rather blind to the realities that there were far more people with disabilities in our physical area of ministry than they had even imagined. In a nutshell, they are uneducated on the matter. Yet the fact that many people with disabilities are "feeling that they are unwanted because no one is coming after them" is inexcusable. With this knowledge comes responsibility. I know that my family will continue to try to develop disability ministry at our church in addition to raising awareness with church leadership. Despite their error, I have great confidence in the character of our church leadership, and I feel with their new knowledge they will not continue to let people with disabilities fall through the cracks. I know that our church as a whole does not want to be one that leaves the poor, sick, and broken out on the streets while we sit fed and happy. It is definitely time for change, and ignorance is no longer an excuse.
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